Friday, January 8, 2010

In which I lose my balance--and get right back up on the beam

Oh, friends.

Guess what I did today? I'll give you a hint--it wasn't in keeping with my resolve to lead a more balanced life.

And I still feel incredibly stupid/guilty about it.

I stayed up late last night--about an hour later than usual--because Phill and I just love to talk to each other sometimes. Sweet reason, but holy moly, was I tired when I woke up.

So tired that I didn't feel a bit less tired after I dropped Reed off at school. So tired that breakfast didn't do a darn thing to perk me up, and I felt like I'd been drugged. So I felt a little nap was warranted. Note: I'm thinking 20, 30 minutes--just enough to rejuvenate me or trick me into thinking I'm not tired anymore.

I fell asleep at about 10:30. I slept the heavy sleep where I couldn't get my limbs to move, and where my dreams were long and detailed. I slept. And slept. And slept.

Until I woke up! And wondered quietly what time it was, assuming that it was probably about lunch time--about noon--and got up just as Jaxon asked me if he could go answer the knock at the front door.

It was my beloved neighbor/friend, Sarah. "Phill tried to call you to remind you to get Reed because it's early-out. He couldn't reach you--" (oh my word oh my word oh my WORD of COURSE he couldn't reach me because remember? I was sleeping the heavy sleep where I couldn't get my LIMBS to move and ANSWER THE PHONE and REMEMBER IT WAS FRIDAY SO REED WOULD GET OUT AT 1:15 and it is 1:37!)--"so the school called me." She said it all with a calm smile, no judgment, nothing but goodness in her. My heart dropped to the floor and I asked her if she would get him--much faster than me needing to get ready and get the kids ready and THEN go get him--and sat on the couch and sobbed. I know it's not about me--but when I do something stupid, I feel stupid, and tend to have a long while where I wonder what on earth is wrong with me.

Sarah brought him home, in one smiling piece--bless his heart. He was fine. And as children so often are, he was completely forgiving. You fell asleep, Mom? For 3 hours? Straight through when school got out? It's all good. No problem.

I read to him for a while, cuddling him on the couch, looking deep into his big brown eyes and kissing his cheeks, telling him that I was so, so sorry, while he just smiled at me and reassured me that he was indeed intact.

I suppose I'm sharing this because
a) As mentioned above, I still feel guilty, and somehow sharing makes me feel a little less so.
b) If you've done this before, well, now you know I'VE done it, too, and who knows? maybe this makes you feel a little more forgiving of yourself.
c) By sharing this, I am HOPING to correct myself and NOT do this again--that is, not to miss picking up my child because I slept through it! This pounds into the ground for me the importance of going to bed at a decent hour....note to self: How about you don't start conversations with your husband entitled "How We Will Parent Them When They Are Teenagers" when it is already midnight, especially when you are still very much in the throes of Parenting Them While They Are Little, and the Teenager conversation has caused you to slip a bit on While They Are Little!!


Shayanne Snodgress said...

Don't be silly. Don't feel guilty. I'm sure worse things have happened. Reed is lucky to have such a great mom. love you

Shayanne Snodgress said...

I didn't mean worse things coming from you i meant there are thousands of wonderful moms that lose their child in the store, forget them at a gas station. you know, i'm sure you've heard stories like that. Reed will be laughing about this when he's older. remember mom when you fell asleep and forgot to get me from school. lol its no biggie!

Lara said...

I LOATHE early out. I need things to be the same every day or I can't remember to do them. I won't tell you how many times I forgot about it. I was so happy last year that my kids could just walk home by themselves. Sometimes I was surprised, but at least I wasn't the forgetful parent to the school administration anymore. :)

And don't give up pillow talk. That's the best kind. Being tired the next day is worth it sometimes.

Kelly said...

You are a sweet mom. Your children will NEVER forget your kindness! I'm sure Reed will suppress this one anyway. J/K.

Miss you.

P.S. I always think of you whenever I pass a shabby chic place, like a barn door or a cool wall. You can make any old thing look awesome!

Kristy said...

All I feel like writing it :) or maybe ;) Don't worry, we've all been there...

leslie the licorice stick lady said...

You're not the only one. One time I was supposed to volunteer in Kylee's pre-school class at another school down the street from Madelyn's Kindergarten, but since Madelyn's class starts a 1/2 an hour earlier than Kylee's, she also gets out earlier. Well, I for got to tell my mother-in-law to pick up Madelyn at 11:05 because I wouldn't be done volunteering until 11:35 and I wouldn't be home until quarter to 12:00. So, poor Madelyn waited for me for over a 1/2 hour until I was out and it dawned on me that she hadn't been picked up! I ran over there at 15 to 12:00 (now she'd been waiting almost 45 minutes). They had taken her to the office and were trying to find my phone number in the file, but somehow that wasn't there too, though I know I'd filled one out and turned it in. I looked so silly in front of the office aid and Madelyn. She was okay, but just a little annoyed with me. Uggh!

Michele said...

My version....
Drop kids off at school.
Go out to lunch with old friends.
Proceed to run all of my weeks errands.
Return home at 3, proud at all I had accomplished while the kids were at school.
Only to find that my kids had come home to a LOCKED house! They went to the Mcfadden's and played.
This ranked right up there with..locking my toddler and KEYS in the car or dropping my 1 week old on the floor due to exhaustion.
You are a great Mom.

Andrea said...

When I was late picking Zoie (and the three other kids I volunteered to pick up) on an early out day, the teacher told me it happens all the time on early out.

Does anyone like early out? Seems like a great way to mess with mom's minds.

Qait said...

Aww, I love you Rae. If it makes you feel better, I've been a napoholic the last month or two. And I'm not even pregnant (dumbest period EVER is proving it better than the test I took). I always feel embarrassed/guilty when I wake up, too, like I've been absent from the world and left Ender to fend for himself (or be taken care of by everyone else, which makes me feel a little worse...).
I can remember a few times when Mom was late to pick me up when I was a kid. Nothing specific, but I never worried too badly. If I was scared for her (HER, not me), I prayed. And that always helped.
I imagine Reed would approach things at least in a similar way. I don't think kids worry in the same ways we do. And when they worry, they do something about it (generally).
I love you. I miss you. I wish I could have been with you...just for the sake of being with you.

Sarah said...

He wasn't alone. Mrs Bryner was with him and I called and said I was on my way. He was fine. YOU were the one I was worried about. The hug you gave him made me think there had been an Amber Alert out. ;) I was just going to pick him up but thought I should let you know first. It's ok. Really. You have to forgive yourself!