Friday, May 29, 2009

Genuine griping & gratitude

I thought it might be interesting (note--interesting, not necessarily beneficial or fun) to record some current circumstances. Don't worry. All whining will be followed by hopeful affirmations and resolve, or something like that..

This very moment:
I have several ugly pimples on my face. The kind that are noticeable and refuse to hide with makeup. The kind that don't pick one spot to reside, but choose instead to form a sort of dot-to-dot around my face. The kind that make me feel like yelling when I look in the mirror. My face feels sorry for itself. So do I, a little.

This one time, I cut eight inches off my long, long hair after growing it out for over a year. (As in....about a month ago.) I'm still really, really mad at myself and haven't yet relocated my hair mojo. Hair mojo, where are you?

In preparation to buckle down and start training for the marathon next week, I have taken the opportunity to simply relax the last two weeks. My abdominal muscles are relaxed, too. And my bottom is simply SAGGING with relief. My body is yelling at me, and I'm yelling back, "I don't want to! Leave me alone!"

.....okay. Actually what happened is that I didn't work out very regularly week before last, and decided to continue being lazy, all the way up The "relaxing in preparation for the marathon" is the phrase I feed myself along with that third cupcake. Tastes good.

The house isn't a disaster, but it's definitely not clean. The kids keep playing in the red dust in the backyard (INSTEAD OF CHOOSING THE BEAUTIFUL GREEN GRASS) and walking into the house trailing clouds of dust. I'm trying to be laid-back about it. I'm not laid-back about it. I'm annoyed. And I don't want to clean until I'm ready to clean the whole house. I'm not ready. Yet. (There's that all-or-nothing stuff again.)

I suspect an army of hormones is at least partially to blame for this self-pity/OCD fest I'm having at the moment. That doesn't make me feel any less sorry for myself or any less controlling about red dust and similar things that are not really meant to be vigorously controlled.

Should I eat worms? :)

Ready for the happy stuff?

Last night, I got to do an awesome bridal shoot. As well as the night before that. The light was melty and buttery near sunset, and the bride, a friend of mine, was adventurous and beautiful. (Makes for good photos.) Last night, I had bride, groom, and their four children together in a field of rye. Note. If you choose to lay down in a field of rye, be forewarned. I drove home from Cedar to St.George (about 45 minutes, but more like 70 with the construction) with one very watering, red, itchy, swollen eye. It made driving rather....adventurous? Like the bride, only not safe. I sang stupid songs at the top of my lungs to stay focused and un-nervous. It worked. Thank you, Ms.Spears.
After some allergy medicine last night, guaranteed for 24-hour relief, I pretty much passed out for the night. I woke up with still-red, tiny eyes, but they don't itch! And I'm not sneezing! This is encouraging.
All of that was worth it. That field was beautiful. That family is beautiful. Hopefully the photos will turn out beautifully, too.

Savanna is walking around the house with a red-dusted-diaper butt, no other clothes, and ponytail-holders-removed hair. She is wiping off the coffee table with a wet washcloth. (She's a better housekeeper than I am.) She's ridiculously cute and smiles at me every time I look at her. I might have accepted the fact that she will be 2 on Sunday.

Ouch. Or not.

Phill is doing a scout campout tonight. I'll miss him for the night, but it was fun to watch him prepare. He packed a huge Army backpack full of supplies. Combat Life-Saving badge. Light that attaches to his head. (They'll be spelunking. Did I spell that right?) Underwear. Various other items to ensure a safe and relatively comfortable adventure. I think I will watch a girly movie tonight. Should go well with hormones, sweet chocolate, and salty tears.

The boys are in the front yard searching for lizards under the big shaded rock. Reed is dedicated in the art of Finding Lizards. He prefers to go out in the morning, when he says there is an abundance of the creatures hiding under the rock.

The kids have been following each other around all morning, with pretty minimal fighting. One of my favorite things is to see Reed dart down the hallway, followed closely by Jaxon, and Savvy speeding after them. And sometimes they make Savvy laugh so hard she almost falls over.

Best cure for self-pity? Laughter and activity. They have it in spades, and I'm going to let some of it seep into me today.


leslie the licorice stick lady said...

I really wished I lived closer to you! It seems that since you moved down south, I've found out more about you through your blog than I ever did when we lived close. I wish I could hang out with you. You seem so much like me.
I too have ugly pimples---they must come with three kids or something! I can't get rid of them, hide them, and I can't leave them alone! HELP! I have been feeling lazy too, but I have no Marathon to run. I just got back from a vacation and don't want to clean the house. I'm ready for another vacation already....Kids are so funny sometimes, aren't they. :)

Bridget said...

Your house sounds so inviting! Can I come?

midRae said...

My heart is with you even if my OCD isn't. I compulsively work out each late afternoon in my living room, after fixing dinner, and then I need to vacuum so that you can only see the vacuum lines in my carpet and not the workout rug outline or yoga mat outline. I then take a shower, clean the kitchen, do the laundry and anything else that is driving me crazy, like the little bit of dust I missed earlier. Hang in there. It's not going anywhere, meaning the dirty. At least that's what I try telling myself. Maybe it will work for you.

MAG said...

Man, I can't wait to see those pictures! And you made me laugh when I read the third and fourth paragraphs about your relaxation approach to marathon training. You're so funny! I, too, wish we lived closer so we could hang out!

Kristy said...

Aren't we supposed to get out of that acne stage eventually? I finally went to the dermatologist for zit medication...pathetic I know...worked really good actually, but I'm off it now and my face is a disaster again :(

carajean said...

Oh Rae...I love you so much.

Qait said...

I'm very guilty of the all-or-nothing attitude. I think I disguise it as the "work smarter, not harder" thing from Mom; I look at the huge mess in the kitchen and think "well it would be stupid to try to cook right now because I'd make the dish mess worse, so I'll have to cook after I do the dishes, but that would take so long that the meal would be way late. So I shouldn't cook at all."
For zits: if you don't use Benzoyl peroxide anyway, I cover any of mine with concealer. The trick is to use a lip brush (or other small brush), put a tiny TINY dot of concealer on the brush and gently pat it over the zit before you put on your foundation. Let it dry first, too. It works so well! If you want some MK ones from me, the brush is $4 and the concealer is $10 I think (and lasts one to two years because you seriously don't need to use much).
:) I love you. I'm enjoying sitting down to your blog knowing that I have lots of posts to read while catching up!