I thought it might be interesting (note--interesting, not necessarily beneficial or fun) to record some current circumstances. Don't worry. All whining will be followed by hopeful affirmations and resolve, or something like that..
This very moment:
I have several ugly pimples on my face. The kind that are noticeable and refuse to hide with makeup. The kind that don't pick one spot to reside, but choose instead to form a sort of dot-to-dot around my face. The kind that make me feel like yelling when I look in the mirror. My face feels sorry for itself. So do I, a little.
This one time, I cut eight inches off my long, long hair after growing it out for over a year. (As in....about a month ago.) I'm still really, really mad at myself and haven't yet relocated my hair mojo. Hair mojo, where are you?
In preparation to buckle down and start training for the marathon next week, I have taken the opportunity to simply relax the last two weeks. My abdominal muscles are relaxed, too. And my bottom is simply SAGGING with relief. My body is yelling at me, and I'm yelling back, "I don't want to! Leave me alone!"
.....okay. Actually what happened is that I didn't work out very regularly week before last, and decided to continue being lazy, all the way up to....today. The "relaxing in preparation for the marathon" is the phrase I feed myself along with that third cupcake. Tastes good.
The house isn't a disaster, but it's definitely not clean. The kids keep playing in the red dust in the backyard (INSTEAD OF CHOOSING THE BEAUTIFUL GREEN GRASS) and walking into the house trailing clouds of dust. I'm trying to be laid-back about it. I'm not laid-back about it. I'm annoyed. And I don't want to clean until I'm ready to clean the whole house. I'm not ready. Yet. (There's that all-or-nothing stuff again.)
I suspect an army of hormones is at least partially to blame for this self-pity/OCD fest I'm having at the moment. That doesn't make me feel any less sorry for myself or any less controlling about red dust and similar things that are not really meant to be vigorously controlled.
Should I eat worms? :)
Ready for the happy stuff?
Last night, I got to do an awesome bridal shoot. As well as the night before that. The light was melty and buttery near sunset, and the bride, a friend of mine, was adventurous and beautiful. (Makes for good photos.) Last night, I had bride, groom, and their four children together in a field of rye. Note. If you choose to lay down in a field of rye, be forewarned. I drove home from Cedar to St.George (about 45 minutes, but more like 70 with the construction) with one very watering, red, itchy, swollen eye. It made driving rather....adventurous? Like the bride, only not safe. I sang stupid songs at the top of my lungs to stay focused and un-nervous. It worked. Thank you, Ms.Spears.
After some allergy medicine last night, guaranteed for 24-hour relief, I pretty much passed out for the night. I woke up with still-red, tiny eyes, but they don't itch! And I'm not sneezing! This is encouraging.
All of that was worth it. That field was beautiful. That family is beautiful. Hopefully the photos will turn out beautifully, too.
Savanna is walking around the house with a red-dusted-diaper butt, no other clothes, and ponytail-holders-removed hair. She is wiping off the coffee table with a wet washcloth. (She's a better housekeeper than I am.) She's ridiculously cute and smiles at me every time I look at her. I might have accepted the fact that she will be 2 on Sunday.
Ouch. Or not.
Phill is doing a scout campout tonight. I'll miss him for the night, but it was fun to watch him prepare. He packed a huge Army backpack full of supplies. Combat Life-Saving badge. Light that attaches to his head. (They'll be spelunking. Did I spell that right?) Underwear. Various other items to ensure a safe and relatively comfortable adventure. I think I will watch a girly movie tonight. Should go well with hormones, sweet chocolate, and salty tears.
The boys are in the front yard searching for lizards under the big shaded rock. Reed is dedicated in the art of Finding Lizards. He prefers to go out in the morning, when he says there is an abundance of the creatures hiding under the rock.
The kids have been following each other around all morning, with pretty minimal fighting. One of my favorite things is to see Reed dart down the hallway, followed closely by Jaxon, and Savvy speeding after them. And sometimes they make Savvy laugh so hard she almost falls over.
Best cure for self-pity? Laughter and activity. They have it in spades, and I'm going to let some of it seep into me today.