Thursday, June 2, 2011

full circle

On May 31st, we celebrated Savanna's fourth birthday. I'm not sure yet how to pin down what I feel. A mixture, definitely, of relief (we got this far!), surprise (how on earth did it go so fast?), and of course, aching (four years....four years).

The weirdest part of the day was realizing that we began our lives here with her first birthday, and we are leaving on the heels of her fourth birthday. A time sandwiched between two birthdays, and filled with many more. As I clicked away at my sweet daughter, blowing out her one candle (we only had one--woops!), I recalled how I had done this three times a year--one for each child--for the last three years. Nine birthdays at this dinner table. Suddenly I was able to look at our lives here in a broader perspective. As if I were sitting at the table, watching the seasons change around me, four different seasons, three times. Nostalgic mathematics, the only kind I like.

I'm now in the contemplative area of adjusting to the move. I am looking back and seeing all the good, all the growth, all the ways we have changed in the last little while. I'm seeing how much time has gone by, and how quickly. I'm not forgetting the times that dragged, but I view them a little more fondly.

Best of all, I realize that in August, we will again sit around the dinner table--this time in Texas--and celebrate Jaxon's birthday, opening our book in a new place. Whatever may come, we will gather three times a year--one for each child--and while we watch the seasons change around us, we will celebrate together.

1 comment:

C said...

Way to be positive and look at the good Rae! I'm so proud of you! :) And always, worded so beautifully. I just love you.