Fixed and Flourishing

If you love me as much as I on-my-good-days assume, then you may have wondered where I have been the last, oh, two weeks.

Or you might have said, "Oh, she's probably cranky. Rae gets quiet and snappy when she's cranky."

OR if you have a tiny window into my life, you might have said:

"Maybe her computer finally died."

Which would be halfway true.

It is a law of life here in the DeVault home: When Phill leaves, things break. Our hearts (okay, they just fracture a little bit, and then sew right back up when he's home again), our patience, and of course: something in the house.

The day after he left, I noted that the computer was not on. This was a little strange, because it's usually on, but not that strange, because we have a 20-month-old in the house.

So I turned it on. First, "COMPAQ" came on the screen, and I thought, hm, that's not what usually happens when I turn this on. Then a message in white letters appeared on a black screen, a message that laughed and mocked me: Keyboard error something-something-something. OR: Your computer is dying and your husband isn't home to fix it. Ha...ha....HA. (insert evil robotic laughter)

So I said to the computer's face: I don't care. Fine. You just be that way! I'll show you! I'll show you I don't need you! Go ahead. Be that way. Jerk.

And I only tried six more times that day to get it to turn on and do something more than tell me that an error was happening. After the first week, I was really starting to believe I could be okay without a computer. By the middle of the second week, I was shooting glances in its direction, thinking mean thoughts at it and then running over to apologize and try to start it up. Once, it actually booted up properly, stayed on for an hour, and then froze.

By today, I was sick to death of my computer's temper tantrum, and I resolutely told it that I am the boss and I am going to fix it. After calling The Smartest Computer Guy in the World (it's a good thing we're best friends with him and his family, because I think he's given us $5,000 worth of free computer help), it booted up--with no sign of the internet. None whatsoever.

Heh....I exhaust myself: Long story short: After my obliging friends let me use their internet to download a pesky necessity called a driver, and after setting it up, turning things off, fiddling, turning things on, and repeating said process again, all while on the phone with that marvelous computer friend of ours, hallelujah. I'm back! (for now!)

Our motherboard is seven years old and our computer is five years old, and it's always been cantankerous. A new one is definitely in order. Thank goodness it's tax return time. *sigh*

As for my reading and commenting on your blogs, oh, be patient with me, please. I know you're not waiting on pins and needles--but I am. Google Reader said 255 when I at last opened it up today, and in an hour I only culled it back to 154.

In the realization that being without a computer for the first three weeks of Phill's absence forced me to be more present here at home, and provided me with a good solid start to these six weeks he's in San Antonio, I have made a prayer-clad vow to not be on the computer unless A)I have to google something, B)someone calls me to tell me to check something, C) Reed is at school & Savvy is napping & Jax is happy or D)the kids are in bed.

If you've wondered how I have handled the last couple of weeks, know this: We are being blessed! Our ward has risen up to help and I am feeling able, happy, and comfortable. The kids are happy and active and dealing very well with daily everything. Sometimes I even feel like I might be getting good at this stuff. I sure hope so. But oh, I miss my Phill. I just want to sit on the couch next to him doing nothing. Just sitting and being.