A giveaway!

The D.I. Denizen is doing a giveaway! Go see--it's not like any giveaway you've seen.

This morning,

Savvy was in the bed sleeping next to me, her back to my chest and her little body curved in the same shape as mine, her arms wrapped around her "lemur" {her beloved d.i.-bought one-eyed stuffed cheetah, her BABY}. She slowly turned around to face me with her wild sleepy eyes {beautiful, so beautiful} and then put her hand on my cheek, and said quieter than a whisper, "I wuv you." Then turned over, pressing her little back into my chest and grabbing my arm to wrap around her tummy, and fell asleep again.

HUGE woops.

Sometimes I assume everyone is on Facebook. Sorry. Stupid assumption.

In case you haven't heard, it's the most wonderful news EVER--

PHILL IS NOT GOING. They need him here more than they need him in Afghanistan because they're standing up a new unit here.

I found out two days into my sinus-thing recovery and sobbed with joy, which, well, really hurt my face. But I didn't care. Best news ever. :)

I love this quote. It made me hopeful before we had this amazing break in things, and it makes me hopeful now that I'll be able to handle all the other little things on my "list" of human woes.

"If you are helpless, he is not. If you are lost, he is not. If you don't know what to do next, he knows. It would take a miracle, you say? Well, if it takes a miracle, why not?" -President Boyd K. Packer, speaking of the Savior

Out of Sync

I am feeling rusty.

After several days on my back and a couple more sick with what seemed to be the stomach flu, and countless little pity parties, I am rusty at this mom stuff.

Emotionally, that is. I found myself yelling this morning right out of the gates, and feeling both ashamed and unable to stop. I berated myself silently and took it out on my kids outwardly, and finally broke down crying.

Then I asked for help.

I'm learning (again and again) how important is what you do when you think you don't know what to do. When you really don't know how to summon the strength--physical, emotional, or both--to face what the day holds. Whether it's because you gave birth through your nose a few days ago and then got the stomach flu, or because you're exhausted, or because you've had a baby, or it's just a difficult day/week/month/year!

These are the times I feel define me. Do I go on behaving like an ogre? Or do I let go of my frustration, guilt, and desire to be in control of it all, and ask for help?

I sent Phill a message. Something like...."I can't do this today. HELP." His response, well-measured and compassionate, was to say a prayer, apologize, start over, and forgive. (Myself and everyone else involved in the little fiasco) So I did. I prayed. I cried some more. And then I held Jaxon and tearfully apologized for yelling, and did my best to mend our bond.

And then he was calm.

And I was calm.

And we were happy again.

I love second chances. Twentieth chances, too. I don't like that I need them....but I'm glad I have them.

Afterthought: Do I sound....preachy? Presumptuous? Smug? Not my intention....

Cara Wisdom

I read some wisdom from Cara today, and oh my goodness.....it just chimes with my bittersweet achings over how fast time is going, especially since Savvy will be 3 in May....THREE!!

So here it is--

Sometimes I look at her and think, gosh, these are the last few months that I have you home, as my baby girl. You are going to go to school and learn bratty things, and want Barbies, and tacky jeans. You are going to start making friends other than me, and you'll make me leave the room on occasion. It's going to happen a lot quicker than I'm thinking it will.