Rock the vote? Or rock the boat?

All over the airwaves are orders to "rock the vote" to "make yourself heard", to make sure you go and vote because if you don't you have no voice.....

Today when waiting for Reed to come walking out of school, I heard a man say this on his phone: "Nah, man, I ain't gonna vote. Don't make no difference, do it? I mean, Bush got elected anyway, didn't he?"

I may have mentioned a few times how much I hate apathy. But just in case, let me drive it home. All of these sentiments are near-infuriating to me: -"My efforts don't matter. I make no difference." -"What's the point?" -"I don't know. I don't really care. I don't have much opinion on the matter." I tend to feel really awful when I find myself guilty of apathy or complacency.



Inwardly, this is what I was shouting, "What's WRONG with you?! What are you SAYING?! Way to negate your voice and your influence!! Choose, darn you! Choose!" And that's when I started to laugh. Indeed, what would I have said to him? Choose! You HAVE to voice your choice!

You see the irony here, don't you? And now it seeps out of the television and out of the radio: Vote! Do it! You MUST!

I remember my mom giving me a home-school lesson about voting, democracy, freedom, etc....she expressed her joy at having the ability to vote, the ability to contribute to the future of the country, and often in the direction she prayed for. But then she said that because we have that freedom, that right, that it is ALSO our right to choose not to vote.

*GASP!!!* My patriotic sensibilities were completely offended! I understood what she was saying, but I was disheartened by the thought of anyone giving up their chance to vote.

So when I heard this oh-so-eloquently expressed opinion today, I had to try very hard not to say something back. So much is done to protect our freedoms, but especially--specifically--our freedom of voice, our right to express and make known our deepest beliefs.

I called Phill. What else could I do?
Me, breathless: "Honey, this guy at Reed's school was talking about not voting because he doesn't think it matters at all!!....isn't that crazy?"
Phill: "Well, that's silly. Of course it matters. Actually, um, I might not vote."
"WHAT?!" (Actually clutching my throat melodramatically, breathing very fast)
"But for the opposite reason. I know my vote matters. And I'm not sure yet that I want to take responsibility for voting for either candidate. I don't know yet if I can live with the effects of either choice."
"Oh." (Pausing for a long time, feeling my heart slow down as I process this....)
"Do you know what I mean?"
"Yeah.....but vote anyway? Just write in Mickey Mouse?" (Pleading)
"We'll see!"

Which leads me to this: I'm not going to yell from the rooftops ROCK THE VOTE! (I think that was last election's slogan? Heh...maybe I'm way off the mark there....that'd be funny.) But I will say: EXERCISE YOUR FREEDOM OF CHOICE! Enjoy your agency! Whatever you choose: Be it Obama, McCain, Mickey Mouse, or even the absence of your vote. Rock the vote or rock the boat. :)

P.S.-For the record, because I know some of you are sitting with bitten fingernails about to fall off the edge of your seat, I AM voting, and I am voting for.....







.....gotcha. I knew for about 32 hours who I was voting for, and that was the longest I had remained decided. I am--once again--undecided, hardly a day between now and my turn to vote, and thinking that I will be surprised to see whatever I choose. But I'm happy I can choose.

Halloween Photos

We started out with Reed as Anakin (I would like to mention that his costume except for the long-johns was homemade, because my sewing machine does not work, and it took me five hours to do, and I had no pattern.....so be gentle with any critique of its quality!), Jax as a pirate, and Savanna as a ballerina--that was for the ward trunk-or-treat on Tuesday. But we ended up with: Reed as Anakin, Jax as "an army", and Savanna as a fairy. I was lazy and it was eighty degrees outside. Some shifting was necessary! It was kind of a huge day for them yesterday, what with all the sugar, heat, and clothing changes. By the time we got to the actual trick-and-treating itself (at the Zion Outlet Mall), they were pretty much done. It was still fun, though, I think? :)

Update

I'm doing better--thanks for the encouraging words!

The kitchen is clean, the living room is passable, you can walk in the boys' room without tripping and impaling yourself on some random toy, you can't smell the bathroom from the other end of the house, my room is recognizable, and you can safely eat off the table without contracting salmonella. So it is apparent that I'm doing better! (The house seems to be a reflection of my mood. Clean: well-adjusted. Dirty: cranky.) This week promises to fly by with our ward's Trunk-or-Treat tonight, FRG to-do's tomorrow and Thursday, Halloween activities galore on Friday, fun stuff with friends on Saturday, and the pure exhaustion of nursery on Sunday. Busy is good. Clean house + busy = handling this well.

Savanna has started to enjoy the use of her bedroom door. Several times a day, she goes into her room, shuts the door behind her, and plays in solitary happiness for sometimes quite a while. She also loves to open the door and call, "Reee! Ree!" or come out to say to me, "Hiiii!! Hah-you?" then run back into her room and close the door. When I put her in her carseat, she says her version of "sit", which is usually "tist". When anyone in the house is sad or upset, she comes over, puts her hand on your shoulder or head, puts her head to the side sympathetically and smiles, saying with unbeatable sweetness, "Hi! Hah-you?"

Jaxon is going through a ridiculous amount of diapers -OR- hardly any at all, due to his preferred mostly-liquid diet of late. I can hardly get him to eat ANYTHING. He doesn't even want to eat his usual favorites, save for maybe two bites. Sometimes, once I get him to try a bite (by prying open his lips and putting a bite in there....it's not as barbaric as it sounds....), he'll actually eat whatever I gave him. But he's just not hungry. Because he is uninterested in eating, his...ahem...bodily functions have caused him some difficulty (straining) or shock (oh my, the diaper is full). (See why I get near to tears when he just will not eat his dinner, no matter what?) He actually informs me of what he is doing. We've asked him if he wants to use the toilet, which usually illicits panicked shrieking, so we're not pushing it. I did ask him yesterday, though, and he said, "No. I need a lid." He's scared he'll fall in. I don't blame him. His butt covers about one twentieth of the seat. I think he might eat better when Phill comes home. It seemed to start when Phill left.

Lately I'm considering homeschooling Reed. But not out of any noble feelings--rather, out of frustration over my own little failures as a mom, because I feel like I don't spend enough time teaching him. I do notice that my concentrated moments with him, doing sight words or reviewing letters' sounds and names, or reading a book together, seem to do more for him than his hours at public school. But he likes school now, I think I can conclude! He is constantly talking about a particular little girl there, which makes me smile. He is learning a lot--including the use of the term "like". "Mom, today school was, like, so short. The day went so fast." ?! It's so funny/weird to hear a 5-year-old talking like that! I know my words are littered with "like", but not nearly as much as they used to be....anyhow, it's mostly funny.

I'm still on track with my exercising, which is a miracle to be able to say! Over two months! My pants aren't fitting as tightly, and for the first time in my life, I've lost weight in a healthy way. In the past I always exercised too much or ate too little or did both, which is symptomatic of what I struggle with. But this is the first time that I have maintained a (sometimes precarious) balance with my efforts! I attribute it to making my scripture study more of a priority. Something about being in line gospel-wise is keeping me in line self-esteem-wise. Go figure. :) I've lost about eight pounds. Yay!

Lastly, of course not leastly: The reward for Best Neighbor of the Year 2008 (which went to Camilla Davies in 2005 AND 2006, Andrea Frisby in 2007) goes to Sarah Reber!! (For her incredible work in the field of Helping Rae Stay Sane While Phill Is Gone, the expert study of Being Ready to Babysit at the Drop of a Hat, and great accomplishment in the art of Friendship.)

This just in: Jaxon spotted holding Savanna's hands and pulling her belly-down through the tile hallway. She is smiling.

Also just in: Reed is telling me that at school today they practiced what to do in case "a angry person" were in the school and they needed to hide. Feeling a tad sick and thinking how rosy-glowing home-schooling sounds right now.

Anyway, I should go change the diapers on Jaxon and Savanna's cute booties. You'd think the two coordinate their stink-schedules.

Waa, waa, waa.....just some good old boo-hooing!

I feel like having survived Phill's deployments should make me an expert at Waiting It Out Patiently and Cheerfully 101. But guess what? When he's gone these days (usually for drill or for some Army schooling), it's still not easy! I still feel so much less cheerful, so far from my usual self, so stressed, frazzled, moody, introverted and hermit-like. And cranky.

I wake up and tell myself, "Today is a good day! You can do it! Today will be fun!" and sometimes I genuinely believe it for the first few hours. But there's always at least one moment in each day when I find myself feeling like I just miss him and nothing really distracts me from it for a little bit. Sometimes it's when the children are doing something cute, hilarious, sweet, or all three--that's actually worse than when I'm feeling like I'm going to simply curl up in a ball on the floor if I'm interrupted for the sixtieth time while in the bathroom for pete's sake....pee's sake, actually (couldn't resist).

Saturdays are the worst without Phill. The entire day stretches before me, impossibly long and empty, while I wallow in self-pity and have nothing with which to fill the blank canvas that is A Saturday Without Phill. Today I told myself, "I'm going to wake up and work out and shower and clean the house and then go to the store and then take all of us to the park and then rent a movie and then marvel at how I didn't feel crazy all day when I put the sweet babies to bed and discover that they drift off in only minutes...." .....okay, so my expectations were hilariously high today. But I didn't even do a minimally good job! I did NOT clean. I stayed in my pajamas until 2:00. THEN I worked out (10 points) and showered (5 points). Then around 5:00 we finally went to the store and rented a movie. And when I came home and cooked dinner I realized that it was too dark for the park and too late for a movie after dinner (big surprise, Lazybones). And also that my sweet little lovelies (who as it turns out were a little more on the sour side today--my grey mood was catching) all have runny noses and groggy voices and sore throats. As do I.

Oh, well. See? That's really all I can say! Oh, well, get up and get moving.....rest a little and then move forward. Start again tomorrow. Only 2 weeks left. Now I've spent far too much time griping--in fact, internally griping the whole day. I'm going to get up....and instead of finishing my movie....I'm going to go to the kitchen and clean the dried milk off the floor (I know that's so disgusting. I know it. My cheeks are burning in shame.), wipe off the chili-crusted table, pick up the toys from the living room for the splajillionth time, and maybe, just maybe, I will do a load of laundry while all of that is happening. Ah. No more griping for me while there's work to be done.

Tally-ho....?

Run for your lives!

Reed dictated a sentence for me to write, after trying to write it himself and getting about 60% of the letters involved in maybe 30% correct order (I was impressed!). So I wrote him the sentence, and after laughing uproariously, he drew an illustration to accompany it.
It's a ghost. A voraciously hungry ghost, I think we can conclude. :)